Starting Over Again
by Foxy527
Summary: Tom Chandler has made the difficult decision to leave the Navy. His children need him, but the transition to civilian life will not be an easy one. Drama, Angst, and eventually a rekindled romance with Sasha will ensue. Begins during the last epi of Season 3 and continues from there. Rated T for now but may change in further chapters depending on where things lead ;)
1. Chapter 1

**I've written quite a few stories for Hawaii Five-0 and Grey's Anatomy, but this is my first Last Ship fan fic. At this point, I don't know how long this story will go. That will probably depend on how long my inspiration lasts and how well everyone responds to it.**

 **Please let me know your thoughts and give reviews. Keep in mind that I am not a professional so you will undoubtedly find grammatical errors. If and when you find them, please be kind.**

 **I do not own the Last Ship nor any of it's characters though I do admit to quite an imagination where they are concerned; Especially the incomparable Tom Chandler.**

 **Here we go…**

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Captain Tom Chandler continued to fold the few civilian clothes he had aboard and place them in to his bag as if on auto-pilot. Walking off the Nathan James for the last time was going to be one of the most difficult moments of his life.

Over the last twenty-five years, the Navy had been his life. It was where he found his identity and purpose. Apart from marrying Darien, joining the Navy had been the best decision Tom ever made. It was difficult being away from her and his children for weeks and sometimes months at a time, but it was undeniably easier for him to handle with the sailors who had become his family as well.

So much had changed in a comparably short amount of time. Life had become like a science-fiction novel except it was their _reality._ While he'd unwittingly been protecting Rachel as she worked to save humanity, his sweet Darien had been taken by the same plague that had decimated most of the world's population. He'd arrived too late to save her and it hurt like hell knowing she died without him….To know that his children witnessed their mother dying and he wasn't there to comfort them.

If only he'd arrived in Baltimore sooner, maybe Darien would still be with him. It was a nightmare he couldn't shake nor could he stop his mind from dwelling on the "what ifs". Thinking on such things did no good, however. Darien was _dead._ It had been months and it still stung to _think_ the word let alone say it _out loud._

And it wasn't only his loss of Darien that had broken him. There were so many others:

His dad…..

Jeffrey Michener….

Valarie…

Tex…

Not to mention Mason, Cosetti, Cruz, Chung, Frankie, Ravit….and all the other sailors who were HIS responsibility _._

And even Rachel.  
 _  
Rachel_ was gone.

He let her walk away that night in St. Louis. He watched her walk away instead of fighting the urge to stop her and have her come back…..if only for the night. If he would've followed his heart that night, perhaps she would still be here too.

The faces haunted him every night when he closed his eyes in a vain attempt to sleep. It was futile to even try; Even the mild sedative Doc Rios had given to help him sleep didn't work as his mind refused to rest. He saw them…..and heard them….He felt the crushing guilt of how he let them down.

 _ **All of them.**_

It was the same nightmare every night. Their deaths were on _him_ and the weight of his failure was becoming more than he could bear. Waves of grief would come over and he felt as if he couldn't breathe as he tossed and turned.

Simply put, Tom Chandler wasn't the man he'd eighteen months ago when this journey began. He was broken to the point where he doubted he would ever recover. At least not enough to command a naval shipl

However, there _was_ still _one_ area of his life where it might be possible to find redemption; Something he could possibly do right:

Ashley and Sam needed him and he'd be damned if he was going to let them down any more. It was what had driven him to make the difficult decision to leave the Navy. His life as Captain of the Nathan James was another part of his life that would be gone, but he could no longer deny that Ashley and Sam needed him. _They_ needed to be his priority going forward. Tom had lost a lot, but he was an adult….a sailor….and a Captain in the U.S. Navy. Loss was part of the job no matter how difficult it was to accept.

But Ashley and Sam were still children.

They were _his_ children….his flesh and blood….his _babies_.

Tom could still remember how sad they were the morning he'd left on this "mission". Even though they tried to be brave, their hugs had been fierce and tight. Holding them close, his eyes had moved to Darien only to see tears in her eyes mirroring his own. Leaving them was always so difficult. He recalled the conversation when he promised it would be his **last** mission for a while. He told them he would return soon and be back so long they would get tired of seeing him. Of course, those were all promises that never came to fruition and the events that had followed instead had undoubtedly caused them to wonder if their Daddy would ever be home. The guilt he felt over not being there for them was yet another piece of the puzzle weighing him down. He had abandoned them.

Mike and Sasha were urging him to reconsider his retirement and insisting that the Navy still needed him, but he simply couldn't justify what he had done. His children may have been the motivating factor behind his decision to leave, but they weren't the only reason.

Simply put, he had crossed the line and took justice into his own hands. Mike Slattery may have been sincere in voicing his opinion that Tom had only acted on instinct after carrying the weight of watching so many of the people he loved die. Mike and Tom had come up through the ranks together and knew each other like brothers. Perhaps even closer than brothers since they had seen battle together as well as marriages, the births of their children, and everything else in between. However, regardless of what may have pushed Tom "over the edge" into killing Allison Shaw, the bottom line was that he had taken justice into his own hands and killed someone in cold blood.

Remembering how he had lectured and chastised Rachel for doing the same thing with Neils gnawed at him. Had he really been that self-righteous?

Slattery had disagreed, but Tom still felt as if he should hold himself to a higher standard as captain of the ship. It was for that reason….and his failure to live up to it…..that Tom felt no choice but to resign his commission and retire.

Sasha hadn't been happy with his decision to leave. In fact, she'd shown up in his room that morning demanding that he put his uniform back on. He would've chuckled at her audacity had his heart not been shattered inside his chest.

 _Sasha….._

Beautiful, intelligent, tenacious….. and _sassy_ Sasha.

She came in to his life like a hurricane the first time and completely knocked him for a loop. He was her superior when they first met but that hadn't stopped them from having an affair that had been conversely grounding and unsettling. Sasha infuriated him at times, but always kept him on his toes. She was a challenge he'd hated to let go, but life had other plans and they eventually moved in different directions.

It wasn't long after he and Sasha broke up that he met Darien and the rest was history, so to speak.

Now Sasha was back and the second time around had been much like the first: Her appearance had been unexpected and she had succeeded in easily turning things upside down again. He loved her fire…her spunk…and dare he admit it, even her _sass._ Truthfully, he may even be willing to try a relationship with her again. It was a thought that had crossed his mind since seeing her again, but so much had changed. A relationship with Sasha wouldn't be happening in his near future. He had his children to think about and they had to be his primary focus from that moment on. Besides, Tom knew he was a mess inside and doubted any amount of therapy could pull him out of the dark hole he'd fallen in to.

At least not yet.

For now, he wanted to get his kids and try to assimilate a normal life for them again…..whatever the "new normal" would be after everything they'd known and everyone they loved was gone.

Tom heard Sasha's chastisement as well as her plea for him to reach out to Kathleen. He knew she was right, but he didn't feel he had the strength to face her. Tom had never considered himself a coward, but he felt like one now. Tex was the only one they'd lost who left a child behind. It could have so easily been _him_ dying that day instead of Tex. How was he to tell the girl who had already lost her mother and only recently reconnected with her father that he was sorry for her loss? Regrettably, he ignored Sasha's plea, finished packing and moved to leave his room for the last time.

Then, acting on impulse, he stepped back to kiss Sasha before walking out. He knew it was wrong, but he needed to feel her lips again if only for a few precious seconds and he selfishly took what he wanted.

He walked out and started down the hall. After only a few steps, he stopped and reached into the pocket of his jacket and returned to his room. He found Sasha sitting on his bed with her head in her hands. She heard the door open and lifted her head. Her beautiful blue eyes were filled with tears and the pain he saw behind them brought a lump of emotion to his throat. He reached his hand out and she looked at the envelope in his hand.

"What's that?" she asked as her voice cracked.

Tom took in a deep breath and sighed. Sasha couldn't help but notice that even his "sigh" sounded pained.

"Can you please give this to Kathleen for me? Please?"

"You wrote her a letter?" Sasha couldn't contain the contempt in her voice. "She just lost her father…..a man who had become one of your closest friends…and you wrote her a _letter_?"

Tom looked down at the floor before looking back at Sasha again. "I can't do it, Sasha."

Sasha stood up defiantly with fire sparking again in her eyes, "Well, you're going to have to **find it** in yourself to do so, Sailor, because I will _**not**_." She crossed her arms in front of her and lifted her chin. As if reading his earlier thoughts, she continued, "What if this was Ashley? You know it could've just as easily been **you** we lost on that plane. Would you have wanted Mike….or Danny…or Burk….or Wolf leaving her to cry all night and then taking her a _letter_ of condolence? Dammit, Tom, you owe her that much!"

With those words, Sasha left him slamming the door behind her.

Tom knew she was right, but how in the hell was he supposed to find the strength to do so when he felt like such a failure…..and a fraud?

He stood in the room for a few minutes more before picking his bag up again and walking out. Rather than making his way out to the outer deck where the crew was waiting for him to disembark, he walked towards Tex's room first.

He stood outside of the door willing himself to go in. He sat his bag down and gently knocked on the door. He heard her muffled permission for whomever was outside to come in, so he opened the door. She was sitting on the bed with Tex's jacket wrapped around her as she raised a tear stained face to meet his gaze.

Tom walked in slowly and closed the door behind him. He silently pulled a chair up to sit beside her as he fought the emotions he was feeling and tried to think of what to say. Tom rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the floor. Kathleen sensed the turmoil he was feeling as they sat in silence. When he lifted his eyes to meet hers, she was surprised to see tears there as well. She may not know Captain Chandler well, but from what she had seen and what her dad had told her, he was a man of strength and honor. Seeing the pain in his eyes moved her and any anger she may have felt for his absence the night before diminished.

"I'm sorry," his voice cracked. "I am so very….. _very_ sorry, honey. If there was anything I could've done…"

Kathleen reached out and took his hand before squeezing it supportively. "My dad knew what he was doing," she said. "He told me there was only one man on the planet more stubborn than him…..even though that other man would probably argue that fact." She gave him a small smile and Tom knew Tex had been referring to _him._

They were both stubborn, no doubt about it. He'd ordered Tex off the plane, but the man had found a way back in to give him back-up. Tom would've undoubtedly done the very same thing had the situation been reversed.

"He was a soldier," she said softly and confidently. "I always knew there was a chance he would leave and not come back. After we both survived the red flu, I thought maybe fate was on our side for a change…..but…."

Realizing what she'd said, she stopped herself and saw Tom flinch as the truth of that statement hit him. She squeezed his hand again "But he _**knew**_ what he was doing."

"Your dad was a good man. One of the best I've ever had the privilege to serve with." Tom's voice was thick with emotion.

Tears filled her eyes again. "You're a good man, too. He really admired you, ya know."

They sat in quiet silence a bit more before Tom looked at her. "What will you do now?"

Kathleen shrugged, "I'll probably go back to my grandfather's ranch. Or…..I don't know…I haven't really figured it out yet."

"Will you promise me something?" Tom asked.

She shook her head and Tom leaned forward to envelope her in his arms to hug her tightly. "Let me know when you get settled again. And promise me you will call me if there is ever anything …..and I mean _anything_ …you need. Will you do that?"

She sniffed against him as he felt her shake her head in agreement.

He reached back into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out the letter he had written for her. "When you feel ready, read this."

Kathleen took the letter into her hands and looked at him quizzically. "What is it?"

"A letter…..from me…with all the things I wanted to say to you but couldn't say today." He gave her a sad grin. "It'll also tell you how to reach me."

They said their goodbyes and Tom left with a heavy heart.

Seeing the entire crew of the Nathan James on deck to meet him was emotional and Tom wondered for the 1,000th time if he was going to survive the day. Stopping in front of Mike Slattery, he saluted.

"Permission to go ashore for the last time."

"Permission granted," Mike agreed begrudgingly.

As Tom walked off the ship, he heard his former XO's remark: "Don't look back." He listened to that advice, as difficult as it was to do so, as he continued to make his way on to land.

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	2. Chapter 2

_One month later…_

Sasha had reached her last shred of patience in hopes that Tom would come back to his senses and come back to work. It wasn't that she didn't understand his need to be with his children after all that had been lost, but after so many years, she knew Tom Chandler well enough to know that his main motivation for leaving was due to his inability to rise above the guilt he felt in losing his crew members. He'd always been a very proud man; His ability to stay calm under pressure and be in "control" were two of the main reasons he'd successfully risen to the ranks of Captain with the U.S. Navy. In the absence of that "control", he ran away.

After waiting for a month, Sasha made the decision to take matters into her own hands. He may hate her for it, but she was going to do it anyway. She would drag him back kicking and screaming if she had to. The thought made her chuckle. She may not get him back on to the _ship_ since it wasn't feasible to have the children with him on a Naval Destroyer…..but he had to get back in the game at some level. They needed him, and regardless of whether he acknowledged it or not, people _wanted_ him _back_. Tom Chandler had become a face of strength and hope during the toughest times they had faced as a country, so his walking away was simply not acceptable.

Sasha spoke to Mike about her plans on a recent trip to the James after an intelligence op. After meeting with senior crew members in the Wardroom, everyone left and Mike and Sasha were alone to talk. While Mike agreed that Tom was sorely missed, he also told her it wouldn't be easy convincing him to come back.

"He's broken, Sasha. I never thought I'd see the day, but he's just not the man he used to be. I don't think any of us realized the pressure he was under OR the responsibility he felt over things that were completely out of his control. He carried so much on his shoulders and it eventually broke him." He shook his head sadly, "I don't know if we'll ever get him back."

He saw fire and resolve flicker in her eyes. "I'll get him back," she said resolutely.

In that moment, Mike had to believe her. If anyone could do it at this point, it would probably be Sasha Cooper. Lord knew he had tried and failed, so Sasha may be the one to get through to him. Realistically, she was probably their last hope. No one besides him and Sasha knew Tom well enough to confront him. To everyone else, he would always be the _commander_ and that was a level of respect that was never broken even after leaving service.

Mike wanted Tom back in some sort of official capacity, but the most important thing to him wasn't even to get Tom working again. That would be ideal because the Navy still needed Chandler in his opinion, but Mike also wanted to know that his friend was coming out of his emotional hell. He knew Tom was putting on a good front for his kids, but there was no disguising the sadness and loneliness in his voice whenever they had talked in recent weeks. He was worried about him and hoped Sasha would be able to break through.

Mike hadn't known Sasha all those years ago when she and Tom had been together, but there was no denying the spark he'd seen return to Tom's eyes once Sasha was on the scene again. Tom respected her…..trusted her…..and maybe even still loved her. Mike had witnessed her cross lines no one else would have dared crossed with Tom which was why he had hope she would save him.

Before boarding the helo that would take her back to land, Mike gave her an encouraging smile as he shook her hand, "Get our boy back."

"I'll do my best, Captain."

He watched her board the helo with Jessie and waved them off with a silent prayer for her success.

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Sasha had business to attend to briefly before seeking out Tom, so she went to the "new" White House in St. Louis for a debriefing with the president and security advisors. Kara Green was there as well, so Sasha followed her out after their meeting. Sasha knew that Kara and Danny were trying to keep tabs on Tom and the kids, so she wanted her input before going to see him.

"Have you talked to him lately?" she asked Kara.

Kara smiled sadly, "Danny and I try to have dinner with him and the kids at least once a week. They love playing with Frankie and it seems to cheer up the Captain as well."

"So how would you say he is doing?"

Kara shrugged, "It's hard to say. He puts on a good front….but I think that's mostly for the kids benefit. Ya know? He still seems very sad. Danny and I have really been worried about him because we thought he would be coming out of it by now. We don't know what to do."

Sasha shook her head, "That's the same thing Captain Slattery told me. Hopefully, I can change that."

Kara's eyebrows shot up expectantly. "You're going to see him?"

Sasha started telling her plans and Kara looked relieved to hear she was going to reach out to Tom. It was evident in the way the "worry lines" softened on her face when Sasha started talking. She was a little surprised, however, to hear that Sasha didn't plan on calling him beforehand. She was just going to show up at the house.

Sasha gave her a knowing smile, "That way he won't be able to come up with an excuse to keep me away. It's always best to confront Tom head on. The element of surprise will work in my favor."

Kara couldn't help but chuckle, "Well, I'll leave that up to you, ma'am….but good luck. I really do hope you can help him. Like I said, Danny and I have been worried about him."

The two women hugged and Sasha promised to update her on any progress. Soon she was on her way to the address Kara had given her for the Chandler residence.

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She turned onto the quiet street where the house should be located and was immediately hit with the realization that things almost seemed back to "normal". It was as if this neighborhood had been returned to it's "pre-nightmare" era. She saw evidence of families living together with bikes in driveways and toys and sports equipment in yards that were well manicured and maintained. She smiled to herself.

 _Looks like Tom found them a peaceful place to settle._

She watched the house numbers closely and pulled into the one marked "2643 Magnolia Circle". A small chuckle escaped her: _Even the address sound 'homey' and comforting,_ she mused.

The house was a large two-story colonial style that was typical in the area. It boasted a large front porch that extended the entire length of the house. Having seldom settled anywhere herself for very long, Sasha had always loved houses with big front porches. They reminded her of summers at her grandmother's home in Georgia with rocking chairs, a porch swing, and plenty of iced tea and lemonade.

Realizing she was sitting in the car and staring at the house, she finally removed the keys from the ignition and took a steadying breath.

"Okay, Tom," she muttered to herself. "I hope you're ready for this."

She walked up the front steps to the front door. The inside door had been opened so that the screen-door was the only one blocking access to the house. She could hear voices inside that sounded like Tom's and most likely his kids. She took another deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

Within seconds, she saw Tom come around a corner to see who was outside. As soon as he saw her standing there, he stopped in his tracks and she saw his eyes widen in surprise.

She smiled at him softly, "Hello, Tom."

His smile was ever so faint but she was relieved to see it nonetheless.

"Sasha," was all he could manage.

"Mind if I come in?" she asked.

Seeming to shake himself out of his stupor, he closed the distance from where he'd stopped to the front door. Undoing the latch, he opened it for her, "Of course. Come in…..We were just getting ready to have some lunch."

Sasha followed him into the kitchen and couldn't help but notice how he'd lost weight. It was disheartening to see and gave her all the more determination to get him out of this….whatever "this" was….and on the road to recovery.

Ashley and Sam both smiled warmly at her when they entered the kitchen.

Ashley was the first to speak up, "Hi, Ms. Cooper! What are you doing here?" she asked cheerfully.

"Please call me Sasha," she smiled. "I was in town and decided to come by and see your dad for a while."

Sam surprised Tom and Sasha both by walking over to give her a quick hug. It pulled at her heart as she hugged him back.

Tom made Sasha a sandwich so she could join them and the foursome chatted amicably while they ate. The kids filled Sasha in on what they were doing in school and the extra-curricular activities they had going on. Sasha wasn't surprised to hear Tom was coaching Sam's baseball team. It suited him perfectly.

However, Ashley had also apparently taken an interest in cheerleading and Sasha could tell from his veiled expression that his level of comfort with that wasn't as high. No doubt because of the cheerleading uniforms, Sasha mused. Even so, he smiled as his daughter regaled Sasha with some of the cheers and stands they were learning.

After they finished, Tom asked the kids to go outside so he and Sasha could talk. He could tell she was "about to bust", as his mother use to say.

When the kids were outside and safely out of earshot, he turned to her. A small, almost imperceptible smile was on his lips, but his eyes were hollow and sad.

"So what brings you here?" he asked although he was sure he already knew the answer.

Sasha looked up at him with a soft, tender gaze in the beautiful sapphire blue eyes he'd always loved.

"You," she answered simply. She looked down at her hands before looking back up at him. "I've missed you."

She saw him swallow. "I've missed you too," he whispered.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Tom stood up. They had both drank soft drinks while having lunch with the kids, but if he knew Sasha like he thought he did, the conversation they were going to have would need something stronger.

"Want a beer?" he asked. He knew Sasha preferred white wine, but since he wasn't used to a woman in the house anymore, beer was all he could offer.

Seeing the twinkle in his eye, she smiled at him, "A beer sounds great."

He grabbed two bottles from the refrigerator, removed the caps, and handed one to her. "Let's go out front and talk."

He motioned for her to lead.

 _Always the gentleman_ , Sasha thought.

Assuming the porch swing would be too intimate, Tom walked towards the rocking chairs and they both settled and took swigs of their beers.

"So what's on your mind, Sasha?" Tom asked….knowing again what this unplanned visit was most likely about. "I'm pretty sure you didn't just drop in for a friendly visit."

Sasha looked at him with a combination for compassion and resolve in her expression. "We need you back." She answered.

Tom pursed his lips and his mouth fell downward into a frown. It was an expression those who knew him were very familiar with. He took another drink and looked out towards his front yard. "Not going to happen," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm retired…..and my kids need me."

Sasha shook her head. "I will agree that you need to be here with your children. You'll get no argument from me there. But as far as retirement goes, you know as well as I do that you're just 'running away'."

Tom's eyes darted towards her and she saw a flash of anger there. His voice, as always, remained calm and controlled when he answered, "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not running away from anything."

"Sure you are," she quipped smartly. "You may not be able to admit it to yourself, but that's exactly what you're doing."

Tom shifted in his chair and looked away from her again. "I can't talk about this right now, Sasha."

"Well, that's too bad because we're going to talk about it anyway."

He glared at her again and saw nothing but confident resolve and fire in her eyes. God, how she could infuriate him!

"What do you want me to say?" he asked as his voice rose.

"I want you to tell me that you're miserable…I want you to _admit_ that you feel lost…and I want you to acknowledge that you _miss us_ as much as we miss _you_. We still need you, Tom."

Tom's expression softened. "Are you talking about 'us' as in the _Navy_ …..or 'us' as in _you and me_?"

It was Sasha's turn to look surprised as she thought about the implications of his question. She decided to be completely vulnerable and honest. At this point, what did she have to lose?

"Both," she admitted softly.

When he didn't answer, she decided to go for the jugular. After all, he was the one to bring it up, so they might as well address it now. "The morning you left…..why did you kiss me?"

Tom stood up from his chair and took a step towards the railing where he put down his beer before gripping the rail with his hands. His back was to her when he spoke, "I just needed it in that moment, I guess." Sasha's silence told him she wasn't believing a word he said. She knew him too well. He let out a sigh, "Actually, I didn't just need it in _that_ moment, but I knew better than to ask for anything more from you then."

Sasha stood up to join him but stayed one step behind him willing him to turn around and face her. "And now?"

As she had hoped, Tom turned around and the closeness pulled them both to each other like a magnet. Peering into her eyes, he saw the same desire he felt and slowly leaned down to taste her. He had dreamed of doing it again since the morning he left the James but had doubted it would ever happen again.

The reality of the moment was even better than he'd dreamed. Running his tongue tentatively across her bottom lip, he was relieved when Sasha opened her mouth to him. She felt him smile against her mouth when she eagerly began to kiss him back. Tom had no idea what had gotten into him…..All he knew was that he needed her and he was powerless in that moment to fight it. He needed her...however he could have her. It was a fact he could no longer deny.

They broke away reluctantly but Tom continued to hold her face in his hands as he looked at her. "Will you stay?" The look on his face tugged at her heart. He looked like a little boy who was afraid of being rejected.

She smiled at him softly. "I'm not leaving," she assured him. "We still have a lot to talk about."

Tom knew how tenacious she could be and had no doubt of what she said. "I can't make any promises, Sasha. About coming back to work, I mean."

Sasha felt hope for the first time since she'd arrived. She was going to get him there; She could feel it. "I'm not asking for promises," she answered. "I just want you to agree to listen and not shut me out."

He leaned down to kiss her again. "I think I can do that."

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 **In the next chapter, we'll see if Sasha is able to convince Tom to return….and if so, in what capacity. We will also see a shift in their relationship as they both come to the realization that the time for "them" may have finally arrived.**

 **Let me know your thoughts!** **I love hearing from you!**


	3. Chapter 3

Sasha promised to stick around so they could talk more that evening after the kids were in bed. It was agreeably the best time for them to get into a serious discussion without fear of being interrupted. The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and it was soon time for them to get ready for Sam's game. Sasha helped Ashley get together some snacks and drinks for the boys while Tom and Sam got the necessary equipment loaded up into their SUV. It all felt so unfamiliarly domesticated, but it also felt….Perfect.

She had never attended a little league game before and was pleasantly surprised with how much she enjoyed watching the boys play. She also reveled in seeing Tom's entire demeanor and mood change once he was in "coach mode". He was a born leader, so whether his skills were used to command the crew of a naval destroyer or coach a boys little league team, he was in his element. He looked at ease and content for the first time that day.

She continued to watch him and marveled at his patience with the boys. He was never short-tempered and was always quick to give compliments when they made a good play or give advice where they could improve. It was truly a joy to watch him and she soon realized she was watching _him_ more than the game. Every so often, he would look to find her watching him and his face would light up with a smile. It amazed her how much simply looking at Tom could still cause butterflies in her stomach after all these years.

Ashley sat beside Sasha throughout most of the game and they chatted easily. Sasha sensed how much Ashley seemed to miss having a woman's presence in her life. Thinking about events that had happened, it was no wonder. She had lost her mother tragically and lived with her grandfather or father and brother ever since. There was no doubt Ashley adored her dad and was thrilled to have him back at home, but it was also evident that she longed to have "girl talk" sometimes. Knowing Tom's personality, she could only imagine how difficult it would be for his young teenage girl to talk to him about certain things. Sasha tried not to laugh thinking about the poor boys who would show up to take Ashley out on a date in a few years. They would have no idea what they were walking in to.

So as Ashley talked, Sasha happily listened and would give her opinion when asked. She couldn't help but feel as if a special bond may be starting between the two of them. She didn't know what that meant just yet, but it felt good nonetheless.

Ashley did surprise her with one question about halfway through the game. Sasha heard her say, "Do you like my dad?"

She was uncertain what the girl meant, so she answered as vaguely as possible. "Of course. We've been friends for a really long time."

"No, I mean…do you _like_ my dad. You know….like _more_ than a _friend_?"

Sasha was caught off guard with her question, but supposed she couldn't fault her for wondering. She decided honesty was the best approach. After all, Ashley had shared quite a few things with her that afternoon so she supposed it was only fair to return the favor.

She turned her head to look Ashley in the eyes. "Your dad and I use dated a long time ago…..before he met your mom."

Ashley smiled at her, "That's kinda what I figured. So, would you want to date him again?"

Sasha couldn't help but chuckle, "Why all the questions?" she asked with a tease in her voice.

The girl shrugged and looked towards her dad who was standing in the dugout watching his team. "Daddy would never admit this to us, but I can see that he's lonely. And please don't tell him that I told you this….but there have been a couple of times when he thought we were asleep, but I saw him crying."

"You saw him crying? Where?" Sasha asked softly.

"Well, one time I was thirsty so I was going to go downstairs for a drink, but when I got to the top of the stairs, I saw him sitting on the couch."

Sasha wasn't sure what to say and she certainly didn't want to cross any forbidden boundaries with Tom. "Your dad _wants_ to be with you and Sam, Ashley. This is where he needs to be."

"Oh, I know, but he's still lonely, ya know? I can tell. He seems to really like you, though, so I was just wondering…." She let her voice trail off as if she were embarrassed to have brought the subject up.

Sasha put an arm around her and pulled her to her side for a hug. "You never know what can happen," she said. "Your dad and I are just going to take things one step at a time. I agree with you that he seems sad, though. I'm hoping I can help with that."

Ashley smiled up at her, "You already have. Daddy's smiled more today than I've seen him smile in a long time. I hope you stick around."

Sasha couldn't help but feel her heart tug inside her chest. If she hadn't been convinced already about coming to see Tom, that was all the proof she needed. She turned to see Tom watching her as she hugged Ashley. He gave her a small smile and winked at her. In that moment, she felt like the young girl who's toes would curl every time he would wink in her direction.

Everything was going to be okay. She was certain of it.

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Tom stopped at the grocery store on his way home from the game saying he had to run in for one quick thing. He left Sasha and the kids in the car and returned within minutes. Then, they made their way home where Tom grabbed the bag out of the back to carry in to the house. They all went into the kitchen to start getting things ready to grill out for dinner. It was during those first few minutes that Sasha noticed what Tom had bought during his quick stop at the store: He opened the bag and pulled out two bottles of her favorite Pinot Grigio which he quickly put into the freezer to chill before it was time to eat.

The kids were working to put together a salad, so she walked up to him and gave him a knowing smile.

"You didn't have to do that for me." She said quietly.

"It's your favorite," he shrugged and Sasha could have sworn she may've even seen him blush.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." He winked at her…. _again_ …..and she felt butterflies…. _again_ …..along with something much more sensual that was getting more difficult to ignore the longer she was around him.

Their eyes were locked on to one another as they stood silently side by side. Sasha wanted to kiss him so badly, and from the desire she saw in his eyes, the feeling was mutual. They had the kids to consider, though. Right now they needed to focus on dinner. There would be time for talking….and anything else….once Ashley and Sam were asleep.

Just the thought of it made her heart flutter and she had to wonder if he felt the same thing. She and Tom had always had incredible chemistry. They also both had strong and opinionated personalities with stubborn streaks a mile long. It made for passionate arguments…..and even better 'make-up' sessions. She doubted anything had changed over the years. If anything, the chemistry between them seemed to have grown stronger. She hoped they could explore it together again soon.

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Tom came out to the backyard with a beer in one hand and glass of wine in the other that he'd refilled for her. She took it gratefully and sat down in one of the chairs looking out into the yard. With Sam and Ashley finally asleep, they had decided to go out back to talk. It would give them more privacy and make it easier for them to not disturb the kids when they talked.

"So what do you do with yourself these days?" Sasha asked conversationally.

Tom was quiet as he contemplated how to answer. He took a drink of his beer and shrugged. "Get the kids back and forth to school…..Help with dinner, homework, and all the other things I haven't been around to do for so long. And as you saw today, I'm coaching Sam's baseball team."

Sasha shook her head in understanding. "So the rest of the day…..when Ashley and Sam are at school…..what do you do then?"

Rather than answer, Tom just turned his head towards her. He knew where this was leading. "I gave 25 years to the Navy, Sasha. I can't go back now. I can't risk my kids losing me too."

"I agree," Sasha said. "But what if you could go back to what's a considered a 'normal' schedule and do something that would allow you to still be at home with them every day?" She lifted her glass to take a drink.

Tom watched her and could see the twinkle in her eyes. She had something in mind.

"Like what exactly?"

Sasha sat up a little straighter as if preparing for him to shut her down. "Before you say anything, I want you to promise you'll hear me out. Okay?"

Tom nodded but stayed silent.

"I saw the president today when I went in for a quick debrief on my recent trip to Great Britain. He asked about you, and I told him I hadn't seen you in a while but planned on visiting while I was in town. He wants you back, Tom."

Tom immediately started shaking his head, "I already told you I can't go back, Sasha. It's too many hours and I traveled all the time. I would never be home with the kids and wouldn't be able to…"

Sasha help up a finger in protest and couldn't resist stopping him the same way he'd done to her many times in the past, "Still talking," she said cheekily.

Tom couldn't stop his lips from turning up in amusement. "Did you just use my line…..on _me?_ "

"Yes, I did, Captain. Now be quiet and let me finish."

His eyebrows shot up, but to his credit he let her go on.

"The president knows your situation and obviously understands that you need to be here more than you were before. He's committed to working things out so your traveling would be minimal and assured me that you would only have to go on the trips that were extremely sensitive or critical. Even then, he insisted they could be short trips so the kids could stay with Danny and Kara for a couple of days or even go along with you sometimes."

Tom looked as if he were considering what she was proposing even though he still wasn't convinced. "Can I talk now?" he quipped.

Sasha smiled at him, "Yes, please."

Tom leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "I can't promise anything except to tell you that I will think about it. And I would need to talk to the president, of course. I still don't know if I can go back…..but I promise to at least consider it. Okay?"

Sasha could have squealed in excitement, but instead she held it in and beamed at him instead. "That's all I'm asking you to do."

Tom watched her for a moment completely mesmerized by how beautiful she was. He was convinced that Sasha's smile was one that could brighten even the darkest of days….just as it had for him that day. Having her show up unexpectedly had awakened something inside of him; Something he wanted and _needed_ to continue.

"And what about you?" he asked. "What are you up to lately besides traveling and breaking hearts?"

A laugh escaped her at his comment and it was a sound that was music to his ears.

"Not breaking any hearts lately," she answered before her expression grew a little more serious. "I've actually considered finding a 'home base' myself so _**I**_ can stay in the same place as well."

"No more super secret ops?" His mouth curved in a half smile.

Sasha shook her head but smiled softly at him, "I'm ready for a change too, I guess. Things will never be like they use to be, but it does seem like people are adjusting and life is getting more settled again. Know what I mean?"

"I do."

Sasha took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before looking at him. Tom couldn't deny the emotion he saw in her eyes and it warmed his heart to realize she still had feelings for him too.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm ready to set down roots too."

"In St. Louis?" Tom asked hopefully.

"That would be my first choice….and the most logical since this is where the government agencies are all located now. I could still work in an official capacity, but like you, I could also stay in one place most of the time."

Tom stood up and reached a hand out to pull her up and into his arms. He couldn't resist kissing her any longer. He started out slowly, but as soon as Sasha reached her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, he deepened the kiss. They didn't break for several minutes since neither one of them wanted to pull apart and stop the moment.

"So does this mean you like my plan?" Sasha asked breathlessly when they finally came up for air.

Tom was kissing his way down her neck in the exact spot he knew drove her crazy. She felt him smile against her neck when goosebumps popped up all over her body.

"I like it very much, Ms. Cooper."

His voice was low and sexy causing her nipples to perk up greedily as if they hungered for his touch too. And although Sasha knew it would be best to take things slow, it was the last thing she _wanted_ to do. She reasoned that they'd already spent so many years apart, so what was the sense in waiting any longer when they both clearly needed each other?

Tom seemed to feel the same way but had the forethought to at least suggest they move inside before things went any further or clothes started coming off.

Still no matter how much Sasha wanted this with Tom, she felt guilty about doing anything so soon. "I don't know if this is a good idea, Tom. I mean, the kids….."

He silenced her with another kiss. "…..will be fine," he finished for her. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll make sure I leave and go to the couch before they get up in the morning. Please, Sasha. I want…..I mean…I _**need**_ you."

Sasha felt his hands make their way down her back until they could grab her backside and squeeze. Without any hesitation, she let him pull her up easily so she could wrap her legs around him. God, he felt so good…..And this felt so right….so who was she to deny him? She needed him just as badly.

"So does this mean you like with my plan?" Tom mimicked her earlier question.

Sasha beamed at him, "I like it very much, Commander. Now take me to bed….please….before you drive me crazy."

Tom gave her a naughty grin as he started walking with her back to the house. "Oh, I've barely started, Sasha."

She shivered in anticipation as they made their way into the house and quietly into the master bedroom, which was thankfully located on the first floor and far away from the kids bedrooms.

Tom didn't put her down until they reached the bed. He laid her down gently before walking back to lock the door.

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 **I can't remember the last time I managed to get out three chapters to any story in less than two days. What can I say? Tom and Sasha are inspiring me and the story is just writing itself.**

 **And I know this isn't the best place to end….but I need to see what's going to happen next in order to see if the rating of the story needs to change.** **After all, their chemistry is so hot it's hard to keep it very tame. I need to write it out and decide where to go.**

 **So for now, we will leave them where they are until I can figure out how to proceed.**

 **Thanks for your comments, like, follows, and reviews. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Oh my goodness….this is the longest chapter yet. And FYI, I've changed the rating on this story to an "M" because of this chapter. It's difficult to write about Tom and Sasha's chemistry together without at least a little "smut".**

 **Soooooo…..CONSIDER YOURSELVES WARNED: This chapter is chock full of smut….so if you don't like that sort of thing, skip through until I write Chapter 5.**

 **If you DO like that sort of thing, please read on and let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy!**

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After locking the door, Tom turned around to look at Sasha lying on his bed and allowed himself a moment to drink in the sight of her. She looked so beautiful lying there watching him with a coy smile on her lips.

It had been a long time…at least for Tom. It seemed as if he'd left on that last fateful mission so long ago in the hopes of returning after only a few months. He and Darien had weathered separations countless times during their marriage, so he had every expectation they would do it again. The "reunion" was always fantastic and something he looked forward to once the mission was complete.

However, fate had other plans in store and the world changed on that last "at sea". _Everyone_ and _everything_ changed and the crew of Nathan James returned to only a shell of the life they'd known before.

Alas, a reunion with Darien was not to be.

Instead of a reunion or "welcome home"…he _lost_ her. Truthfully, he felt like he'd also lost _himself_ and struggled ever since to find his way back. Darien had been his "rock" and his "home base". She was the one person on the earth close enough to see the most vulnerable sides of him. She loved him fiercely and he had loved her just as fiercely in return. Losing her had been devastating for him and perhaps one of the reasons he had finally cracked under the pressure that ensued after her death.

It had been almost two years since the world had 'gone to hell'. The entire Nathan James crew had been focused on the _mission_ during that time; Especially Tom. Distributing The Cure to those who needed it was their main priority and focus and they all sacrificed much in their quest to save the world. They had also lost so many people they loved. It was the guilt of those they'd lost that had driven Tom to leave the Navy and go home.

Two long years…

…..Then Sasha came back into his life and began stirring something inside of him just as she'd done the first time they'd met. No one had ever sparked his temper or fueled his passion like Sasha. They were like 'oil and water'. Some would argue that wasn't a good mix, but it had always worked for them….. At least before their careers took them on different paths and they ended up going in different directions.

After all Tom had lost, perhaps fate was finally smiling on him by bringing Sasha back into his life. He couldn't help but wonder…..and _hope._ The timing may not have been right the first time around, but after seeing her show up on his doorstep that morning, he was convinced _**this**_ time could be different.

The challenge of the moment was that he was spending too much energy contemplating how long it had been since he'd been with someone he _**loved.**_ The pressure was on, if only in his mind, to do things right and make it special for them. Being Captain of a Naval Destroyer on a mission to _**literally**_ "save the world" wasn't exactly conducive to more 'intimate activities'. As such, he was finding it difficult to stay _focused_ and take things slowly after two years of celibacy; Especially as he looked at his Sasha….ready and waiting on his bed.

His attention hesitated…..Did he just think of her as " _ **his**_ Sasha"?

And did he still _**love**_ her after all these years?

There was no point denying either statement. He wanted her to be **his** and **only** _his_ from that point on.There was also no denying how much he still loved her. He just hoped he could make this a memorable night for them both. Tom was used to being in control of things….even in the bedroom…..and he was determined to make this good for her. Taking this step would change everything in their relationship and he wanted to make it memorable.

He allowed himself a few more seconds to watch her as he inhaled deeply and tried to calm his nerves. _God, she was gorgeous. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous?_

Sasha watched him begin to walk slowly towards her. She could feel his eyes caressing and making love to her even before he touched her. When he reached the bed, he leaned over, pulled her up to a sitting position and began kissing her while his hands made quick work of removing her t-shirt and throwing it to the floor. With one layer of clothing gone, he put his hands on her waist and moved them up ever so slowly until he found her breasts. He kissed a path across her jaw and cheek until he reached her neck once again focusing on the spot he knew drove her crazy. Tom's wicked tongue and mouth continued their assault on her senses as his hands moved around and unhooked her bra with little effort at all. It quickly joined her t-shirt on the floor.

It was taking all the strength she had to remain in a seated position and let him do all the work. She wanted to straddle him or lay back down so she could feel the weight of him between her legs. The ache at her core was demanding a release…. _ **any**_ release….. but Tom wasn't allowing it. It was obvious he wanted to control the pace, so she let him do so.

Her reasons for doing so weren't entirely selfish: Yes, she knew he liked to control things and would make this _fantastic_ for both of them…..but she also sensed this one act of intimacy could be the beginning of "healing" for him

Tom had lost so much and had been "letting go" of things for a while. Perhaps allowing him to take the reins would give him some confidence back. It was a _slow_ and _wonderful_ torture letting him do everything…..even though her insides were screaming to _touch_ him….

….. _taste_ him…..

…. _feel_ him.

As if reading her thoughts, Tom gently pushed her back until her head rested on the pillow. He moved her arms above her head and held them in place with one hand while his mouth continued to make its way tortuously down her body.

Sasha tried to speak, but it was difficult to form a coherent thought with Tom's mouth, tongue, and hands causing every nerve ending on her body to jump for joy. She could barely speak a _word_ let alone speak in _sentences_ that made any sense.

"Tom….." she whispered breathlessly.

He held tightly onto her hands as his legs straddled hers effectively holding her in place.

"Tom, stop a minute…"

"No," he mumbled softly as he continued to kiss her senseless.

"Please….I want to….. _touch_ you…" He continued to interrupt her with kisses. " I mean….I need to…..do something…..for….."

"Shhhhhhhh…"

She felt his breath on her skin and could have sworn he left scorch marks in its wake. She was burning up…..aching…needy…

"You have too many clothes on," Sasha's voice was impatient as the words tumbled out and she wiggled attempting to free her hands from his grasp. His grip only tightened and she felt her toes curl at the sound of him chuckling at her frustration.

"Patience, Sasha," his voice vibrated softly against her sensitive skin.

Oh, he _knew_ what he was doing. Her mind faltered and all she could think was " _That laugh….sexy as hell_ ….. _The man is quite simply trying to kill me!"_

 _But what a way to die!_

"I've never been a patient woman." She gasped and arched her back in response as he took one of her nipples into his mouth and began suckling. She felt the "zing" all the way to her core which was growing painfully needy of some attention of its own. Tom let go and kissed his way to the other breast to give the same attention.

"Mmmmmm, maybe I can help you with that….You know…help you _learn_ to be more _patient,_ " he teased.

" **No** you will _not,_ Tom Chandler!" she spat although he knew she wasn't angry; Incredibly _**turned on**_ and frustrated, maybe…but not _angry_. "Just remember, I _can_ and _ **will**_ pay you back for this torture."

He looked up and smiled again before closing his mouth over hers in a slow, deep, thorough kiss. When he fixed his eyes on her again, the intense gaze of his blue eyes almost made her heart stop. She was seeing so much even though he wasn't uttering a word.

Then, he winked at her.

The same damned wink that made her come undone without any other provocation. Sasha whimpered on the verge of major frustration. She needed him to hurry things along!

"Don't _**do that**_ to me!" she said.

His eyes shot up in surprise. "Don't do _what?_ "

She shot him an incredulous look. "WINK at me with those damned gorgeous blue eyes!"

Once again, he sensed it. "I'll get you there, baby. I **promise.** Just let me love you for a few minutes, okay?"

She had no choice. She was quite literally at his mercy.

Then, he quickly stopped what he was doing and started trying to remove her pants. As soon as his mouth left her body, Sasha immediately craved his touch again. Since he'd freed her hands to work on getting her pants off, she helped get them off in record time. However, when her hands moved to remove her panties as well, he stopped her again.

"Uh-uh," he admonished. "Let me do it."

She huffed in frustration but he only smiled…..again.

He loved what he was doing to her.

He saw her pupils dilate as she swallowed hungrily. Tom held her gaze as he moved a hand down and ran a finger across the lace edge of her panties. Her eyes grew hungry and heard the her sudden intake of breath as her stomach fluttered beneath his touch.

He smiled softly at her. "You're so beautiful."

He leaned down to kiss her again as his fingers made their way inside the black lace of her panties and moved towards her core. He could feel her heat even before he got there. As he coaxed her mouth open to slide his tongue inside, he slipped a finger inside her wet center. Sasha moaned into his mouth and it was quite possibly the sexiest thing he'd ever heard. All he could think about in that moment was making her happy.

Tom continued his relentless seduction until she felt as if she wouldn't last another second. She closed her eyes as the tension continued to build. His fingers were magic…..absolute magic…..He knew exactly what to do to bring her to the edge. It wasn't long before she felt herself exploding around him. Instinctively, she started to close her legs, but Tom wouldn't allow it. Instead, he held them open as he watched her come.

"Damn, baby," he sighed as he watched her come down from her high.

Sasha found her voice, "Tom…I need….to touch you… _please._ "

Her pleas finally forced him to acquiesce; He reluctantly removed his fingers and put them into his mouth to taste her. He watched and saw her eyes spark before her tongue flicked out unconsciously to lick her lips. Seeing her watch _him_ as he tasted _her_ was one of the most damned erotic moments he'd ever experienced.

He wanted to do it again…..and again…..and again.

Tom leaned up far enough for her to pull his shirt out of the waist of his pants. Sasha quickly removed it and added it to the pile of clothes accumulating on the floor. Then, she ran her palms up and down his chest marveling at the way he had changed over the years. Tom had always been gorgeous, but he had filled out in all the right places making him even more irresistible now that he was older.

He was all man.

110% man….and she never wanted to let him go again.

Sasha kissed him as her hands made their way to his waist attempting to undo the button of his pants. As soon as the button and zipper were down, she moved her hand inside to cup him and smiled at the hardness she felt.

Now it was Tom's turn to pant. She heard his intake of breath as she began stroking him. "Sasha!….." he moaned.

Smiling, she kissed her way to his ear and whispered, "Take off your pants, Sailor. I have something for you."

He didn't have to be told twice and the two of them worked quickly to throw his pants to the pile on the floor. He moved back to the bed and Sasha surprised him with a move that put him underneath her. Looking up as she straddled him, he saw the wicked glint in her eyes.

He was almost afraid to ask. "What's on your mind, Ms Cooper."

Her grin widened. "You know what they say about 'payback', Captain Chandler….Now it's _my_ turn."

Sasha leaned down and began kissing a path from his neck all the way down to the 'magic trail' leading to where she really wanted to be. When she reached the waist of his shorts, she pulled them down finally freeing him from the confines of his boxer briefs. She took him into her hand and began stroking up and down…ever so slowly.

When she finally leaned down and took him into her mouth, he closed his eyes on a hiss. " **Damn,** Sasha!"

She was only able to pleasure him for a couple of minutes before his arms reached down to pull her up the length of his body. Before she knew it, she was on the bottom again with Tom situated between her legs pressing against her core. It was the most delicious feeling and she could barely wait another moment. Thankfully, Tom was right there with her. His eyes locked onto her as he entered in one big thrust. They both moaned in ecstasy as they found a steady rhythm and felt the buildup rising inside. Sasha wrapped her legs around him allowing him to go deeper and felt her every nerve ending come alive.

"Tom….oh my God…..Don't stop….." she panted.

"I'm right here with you, baby," he said as he continued to rock in to her. "Come for me…"

That was all Sasha needed before she felt the tension burst and sweet waves of release wash over her. Within seconds, Tom joined her and they both rode out the aftershocks before collapsing. Not wanting to crush her, Tom held their bodies together as he shifted so she was laying on top of him with her head nestled on his shoulder. He kept one hand on her bottom as the other stroked up and down her back and heard her contented sigh.

He couldn't help but smile.

"I'd forgotten how good we were together," Sasha finally whispered.

"Me too," he answered.

She waited a beat and said…..

"Wanna do it again?"

His chuckle was the only answer she needed before they were on to Round 2.

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 **Tell me what you think?** **I love hearing from all of you!**


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